My husband is battering me

Dear Pastor,

My husband is trying 'frame' me because he claims that I slept with one of his cousins. This issue dates back to last September, following an incident at my son's second birthday party. On that day he invited a lot of girls with whom he was sleeping. I did not know he was having affairs with these girls, but everything became clear due to certain events at the poolside.

After the party and I put my son to bed, my husband's suggestion was that everyone should go into the pool. We were all there drinking and vibing. My son woke up and one of my cousins brought him to the poolside. I came out of the pool and went inside to feed him. When I got back to the poolside, I saw one of the girls and my husband in a very suggestive position. It seems as if they were having sex.

My husband told me I need to come out of his house and that he wants a divorce. I am sure the girl said something to him that caused him to react that way.

SHOCKED

I was shocked because I was wondering why he was saying all these things to me. I enquired of the people at the party what happened after I came out of the pool to feed the baby, as I wanted to understand why my husband told me he wanted divorce. They said that they don't know what took place. This is despite the fact that they saw my husband and this girl kissing and talking, and nobody said anything to me.

My husband slapped me across my face in front of everybody. I still didn't know what I did wrong. My cousins retaliated by heaping a few slaps on him.

That night, my husband ran everybody out of his house. A guy, who he claimed that I was cheating with, took me to a hotel and I spent the night there. I am here now confused. My husband claims that the guy was feeling me up in the pool, but the only person who saw that was the girl he sleeps with.

A few days after the pool incident, my husband knocked me out. I don't know what he used. I only woke up under the shower. He took me to the hospital where I did a CT scan. My husband is insisting that he did not put his hands on me. He said I fell down the stairs but I know that is not true. He kept beating me up from day to day. He is disrespectful and all sorts of girls call my phone.

I left his house and went to my mother's, but I am not safe because he keeps coming there and pulling me out of the house. All he does is ill-treat me and have people call me saying the strangest things.

Last night, I was at home talking on the phone when two strange guys walked into my room and told me that the boss said I should take up my baby and leave. I packed up my things and left. Now, tell me, pastor, what kind of man is this? What kind of heart does my husband have for my son and me?

Battered Wife

Dear Battered Wife,

You have said much but you have not said most of what went on. For example, this man and you had a party for a two-year-old after which it was time for the adults to have much frolic. So lots of people were drinking, and evidently some got intoxicated, and it is not unusual that at some parties that people go wild. Some people strip and some have sex. I think that is what you mean when you said you saw your husband and a young woman in a compromising position.

Having seen this, you got very angry, and although you did not say it, you asked him what was going on. There was a heated argument and he slapped you.

You have not said why your husband accused you of having a relationship with his cousin. Was it something he heard before the party? You have not given any clue, but you made his belief stronger when his cousin took you to the hotel after your husband demanded that you should leave.

Why didn't you go and stay with some of your relatives? Why did you allow his cousin to take you to a hotel? By going with his cousin, you strengthen your husband's belief that you were having an affair with him. It is very unfortunate what has happened to you.

At present, you seem not to have anywhere to live. You went to your mother's house at some point after the incident but your husband is always demanding that you leave. So it seems to me that you left and went back home. Now, he wants you to leave permanently. You have not said whether you are working. I believe that you should try to contact the organisation, Women Inc, and let them know your situation.

You need to ask relatives and friends to help you. You also need police protection. You said your husband knocked you out and you ended up in the hospital,but he is saying that he didn't touch you. You never can tell what will happen again. Jamaica is a wonderful place and women will help women. Conscious men, real men, will assist women like you.

I am sorry to know what you are going through, but I know you can get help. Use common sense. Try and keep as calm as you can. You may even find that spending time in prayer and meditation will help you.

Pastor.