Pastor doesn’t want me to marry his sister

January 11, 2021

Dear Pastor,

This is the first time I am writing to you. I have a problem. I am a churchgoer. My wife and I are divorced. I tried to patch up the marriage, but it could not work because my wife and I had gone our separate ways very quickly. After six months of separation, my wife started to go out with another man. I did not believe it when I was told that she was dating. She admitted it to me and to her children.

My children told me to move on because she was not coming back. My pastor told me that I should not punish myself by waiting on this woman. He said that if I liked anybody, I should take the plunge. However, when I told him the person I liked, he was not so enthused because that person was his sister, who has never married. When she told him that she liked me, he told her that he would not officiate at the wedding. She described him as a hypocrite. How could she be good enough to be the wife of another man who he does not know, but object to me, someone he knows very well?

This pastor said that members of the church would object to such a union. But he does not have any Bible passage to show us that what we were doing is wrong. Do you have one passage, sir? Please show us.


Dear A.,

From the tone of your letter, it seems to me that your minister, who is soon to become your brother-in-law, is more concerned about the testimony of the church in how people would judge the church and its ministry. As the pastor, they may feel that he has encouraged his sister to be sexually involved with you.

It does not have to be true, but he may feel that the church may view him as not being firm in the doctrine of divorce and remarriage, considering that his sister is about to marry a divorced man. But he ought to learn that he has no power over the decision that you have made; you are grown people and I wish both of you well.


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