Pastor wants me and my boyfriend to get married

July 02, 2020

Dear Pastor,

This is the first time I am writing to you. I am 20 years old and I have a boyfriend who is 21. He works as a mechanic and is helping to send me to school.

The guys at his workplace are always looking at me. He told me that some of them asked him how was he so fortunate to get a pretty girl like me.

I am a Christian and I go to church and from the time we met, I have been encouraging him to come to church, and he has.

The only thing I know that we do wrong is that we have sex. Both of us love sex, so I don't want to behave as if I am accusing him of something I don't like.

I am living with my mother, and my boyfriend lives alone. He was living with his father, but his father asked him to leave and find a place on his own because his father has a girlfriend and she is pregnant.

My mother is not against my relationship. She said I am old enough to have a boyfriend, but I should remember that she is not going to let any grandchild hold her down, so I should know what I am doing.

I do not go to school on Saturdays, so I go and stay with my boyfriend on a Thursday, then return to my mother on Friday evening and take groceries home for her. I also give her something out of the money I get from my boyfriend.


We are poor, but we are trying. My pastor questioned me about my boyfriend. He is encouraging us to get married, but we are not ready for that. My boyfriend wants to go away. He asked me if I can be faithful to him and I told him yes.

But he said if the pastor asked him about marriage again, he will stop attending the church. I don't want this man to leave me. He is my second boyfriend. My first boyfriend cannot walk in his shoes.


Dear S.A.,

At the risk of people saying that I am defending the pastor, I must say to you that I doubt very much that he intended to be nosy or force you into marriage.

He probably was not even aware that you are just 20. Even if he knew your age, he was probably trying to encourage you to walk uprightly and not to warn you that there is a danger of cohabitating outside of marriage.

I am sure the pastor is hoping that this man would fully commit himself to Christ and you. I believe that it is your desire that if he attends church with you, he would commit himself to Christ.

You are not inviting him to church because you want to get married; both of you are not ready for that. Both of you are having sex and you are committed to each other.

You love this man and he loves you. Even his co-workers are jealous of him and wonder how he got you. He is a kind, young man and he knows his responsibilities towards you; make sure that you are true to him.

Your mother has warned you not to get pregnant; she wants you to wait until you get married. I hope you will take her advice. I hope that the pastor will not encourage you to get married until you are both ready.

You are fortunate that your boyfriend is helping you to go to school and supporting you the very best he can financially. Stick with him and assist him as much as you can.

Perhaps he should go back to school himself. So when you graduate, don't walk away from him as so many young women do to their boyfriends. They use them and dump them.


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